The concept of polyamory

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Irina
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The concept of polyamory

Post by Irina » 19 Oct 2018 08:06

Another libfem darling - polyamorous relationships.
Penny White and Terri Strange (I am not a fan, but I agree with her on that topic) offered a good take on polyamory. It is a) lack of erotic commetment; b) hurting women if there is a man - he will be prioritized, she will be used and discarded. Someone said these types of arrangement are harmful for children. It may be true, but I think it's not exclusive to polyamorous relationships (on the other hand, a parent changing sexual partners frequently while technically staying monogamous may be viewed as a type of polyamory in and of itself).
I don't like the idea of polyamory, anyway I'm interested in what other radical feminists make of it. Any more problems with polyamory? Or any positives?

Literal Nonviolence
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by Literal Nonviolence » 21 Oct 2018 23:48

All I know is that it sounds exhausting. Where do people get the time and energy to maintain multiple relationships?

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Peach
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by Peach » 22 Oct 2018 03:40

Literal Nonviolence wrote:
21 Oct 2018 23:48
All I know is that it sounds exhausting. Where do people get the time and energy to maintain multiple relationships?
LOL
It's indeed exhausting. And very difficult to make it work. I don't think humans are made for it. It's just another woke thing to do.

VestalVirgin
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by VestalVirgin » 02 Dec 2018 16:53

It is one of the things that may be neutral in a matriarchy, but in a patriarchy typically ends up harming women. If there's one man in a polyamorous relationship, he will view himself as the owner of a harem, if there's one woman and several men, the men will team up against the woman.

The behaviour patterns women learn in our society mean that sharing a man wouldn't make women stronger, but weaker. They'd see each other as rivals.

If there's no man, I don't see a feminist problem with it, but there's practical problems that already have been pointed out.


The book "A Brother's Price" describes a model of polygyny where groups of female half-sisters/half-cousins share a husband, as men are a rare commodity in the setting. It works ... somewhat okay ... in the setting, but of course, it is entirely different from our patriarchal world.

For that to work, first thing we'd need is economical independence for women so that it doesn't matter anymore whether a man can't contribute, financially, to all the children he can father. We wouldn't just need equal pay, we would need more pay for women than for men.

And women would have to invest less emotional labour in men. Men don't give back enough as is, with several women sharing a man, they'd get even less back. If they continued to invest as much as women in monogamous relationships do, they'd all be unhappy very fast.

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dyke
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by dyke » 11 Jan 2019 23:35

I have never seen a polyamorous relationship work out - neither lesbian nor hetero.

In the hetero ones the men conveniently "forgot" about rules to do as the please.

And in the last lesbian one I saw greatly fail both women strongly believed in relationship ideas from Sonia Johnon who I haven't read, but as far as I understand it was about having an strong emotional bond without needing each other and not relying on the other woman. Which for me leaves the question why be in a relationship altogehter and how it is possible to maintain that bond without any securities for anybody. And also one woman was not following the agreement that they had set up for the relationship.

So yeah, I don't see any positives about poly relationships apart from the need to communicate the needs all women involved have which should be also a standard in monogamous ones.

Hetero polys are doomed - mostly the women are betrayed by the men that seem to think they are not accountable anymore in any way for their behaviour.

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marzanna
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by marzanna » 12 Jan 2019 04:49

b) hurting women if there is a man - he will be prioritized, she will be used and discarded.
This sums up perfectly the experience i had of a polyamorous relationship as a girl in highschool. Too much melodrama in these men and women and the relationships they keep
Know thyself.

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Irina
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by Irina » 12 Jan 2019 09:34

Thanks for your replies, dyke and marzanna.
Agree with you both. Too much drama and too little security.

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Pretty Funny
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by Pretty Funny » 23 Mar 2019 13:23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTsdKycVZZ4

"Just because I have bad hair doesn't mean I am polyamorous."

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Irina
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Re: The concept of polyamory

Post by Irina » 01 Apr 2019 14:08

Pretty Funny wrote:
23 Mar 2019 13:23
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTsdKycVZZ4

"Just because I have bad hair doesn't mean I am polyamorous."
That's hilarious :)
I have similar hair structure, so I can adopt the motto :icon_e_biggrin:

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