Examples of female socialization

How does gender affect your life?
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Bastet
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Examples of female socialization

Post by Bastet » 17 Oct 2018 11:54

I just thought it'd be interesting to talk about how female socialization has affected our behaviour and thinking.

Some examples I thought of:
-Making up excuses for people's bad/harmful behaviour, to try and justify to myself why they did it so that I get less annoyed at them
-Taking up as little space as possible when I'm walking on a footpath so I don't get in the way of others. I think this comes from being expected to be socially accommodating and considerate.
-Second-guessing my judgement and decision-making ability
The shackles of gender are not innate, they are forced upon us

nuxi
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by nuxi » 17 Oct 2018 11:57

- Blaming oneself for things going wrong.
- Putting men's needs first.
- Thinking about the wellbeing of others first.
- Not being allowed to speak one's mind.

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Duckspeakungood
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Duckspeakungood » 17 Oct 2018 14:28

If I'm at the store and a man I don't know is in the aisle where I want to be, I have to be careful not to look at him or walk too close to him, because I have no way of knowing if he's one of those creeps who thinks that a woman who looks at him or walks close to him is "asking for it." I realize that probably men also have to be careful that they aren't misperceived by women they don't know, but the PHYSICAL DANGER level is nowhere near the same. I also realize that feeling compelled to say "I realize that men have it bad too" is female socialization!

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Irina
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Irina » 19 Oct 2018 07:35

-saying yes more than you should
-making exuces to yourself for your complacency saying you are just polite and "nice"
-avoiding discussion for fear of coming across as a man-hating fascist
-forming judgement on self through other's opinion
-thinking whether you are "pretty" or not
-thinking about superficial stuff (fashion, make-up) more than a happy confident person should
-fearing for your safety in too many contexts
-despising other women or downplaying their feelings and concerns
-developing insecure attachment in relationships (especially romantic relationships)
-avoiding conflict if someone mistreated you and letting it slide

unaksi
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by unaksi » 22 Oct 2018 12:54

I recognise most of the above and would add:
-holding yourself back at activities where you're good (but not supposed to be good), like sports or learning, just not to make others feel bad.

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DarthTerf
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by DarthTerf » 22 Oct 2018 15:14

A big one that I've noticed lately is that we aren't allowed to discuss ourselves honestly. Anything that could remotely be construed as negative is taken as an insecurity about which we are hoping to receive the gift of Manly Reassurance that we are not the horrible things we believe about ourselves, but rather Whatever A Man Says We Are. Expressing any sense of self-esteem or pride is even more forbidden, because we shouldn't be assessing our own self-worth; it's a man's job to tell a woman and the people around her what she's good for.

Beatrixkiddvideo
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Beatrixkiddvideo » 22 Oct 2018 16:42

I recognise all of the above, from my past and present. It depends on who I’m with, and I’ve gone back to the way I was at 16-17, where I deliberately did things out of my comfort zone that showed I wouldn’t conform, although you’ve got less to lose at that age.

I was listening to a fantastic YouTube post by westwind the other day, and she talks about the relationship between religion and women’s oppression, how the patriarchal religious beliefs have spilled over into secular society and formed the basis for our morals, ethics, laws, behaviour. None of that is news, but she points out that women are socialised by religion and patriarchy to let men make the big and painful and scary decisions in life, for fear of owning our power and being disliked or hated. I admit that I let my parents make decisions for me, and I grew up wanting a boyfriend or husband to make big decisions for me about finances, big-ticket purchases, big life decisions, and even things I consider “traditionally” male purview like what to do with car repairs or home repairs or how to figure out technological stuff. I’m still like that, although I’m working against it. I didn’t own a screwdriver set until I was 35. Many heterosexual women I know just rely on their dads or brothers or husbands to look after the vehicles and repairs and contractors and renovations and yard work and mechanical or tech crap. Many women I know let the men in their lives look after investments and money management. But MY problem is that I ignored the women who didn’t and don’t behave helplessly in those departments. I’m so trapped in this mindset, and it pisses me off that I was socialised to be helpless.

Here’s westwind on the subject if anyone is interested: https://youtu.be/tvXUfj5qrfA

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Bastet
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Bastet » 22 Oct 2018 23:34

DarthTerf wrote:
22 Oct 2018 15:14
A big one that I've noticed lately is that we aren't allowed to discuss ourselves honestly
I feel this on a deep level. This pressure to make it sound 'nice' and understate things, even though often the truth is harsh and unpalatable. I think it's important to recognize & understand one's own flaws in an unvarnished manner.

I also know that women are pressured to consistently discuss other issues in an understated, pleasant manner. A woman's opinions often end up littered with "I think", "maybe", "perhaps" or "could".. hedging language so as not to offend others feelings. Even when I feel strongly about something, the words I use undermine me. I sound uncertain and wishy-washy instead.
The shackles of gender are not innate, they are forced upon us

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get0ffthetumblrz
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by get0ffthetumblrz » 06 Nov 2018 00:26

-apologizing when asking for something
-feeling responsible for other people's feelings
-not listening to your intuition

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witch
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by witch » 07 Nov 2018 06:15

Putting smileys after text to not appear rude :)

Pretty Funny
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Pretty Funny » 07 Nov 2018 09:23

Trying to be nice to everyone (even to a-holes) to make sure that people like you. Saying "yes" and submitting to everything to avoid conflict.

Starting your sentences with phrases like "I could be wrong, but..." I do that a lot, even on forums. Even on here.

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Pauline
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Pauline » 09 Nov 2018 11:48

Saying sorry way too much!

Pretty Funny
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Pretty Funny » 09 Nov 2018 12:00

Feeling ashamed and embarrassed when someone attacks me personally and uses slurs.

Pretty Funny
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Pretty Funny » 09 Nov 2018 12:28

Been having this song in my head lately. It's Frank Mills from the musical "Hair". I'm not sure whether the songwriters had any kind of feminist perspective in mind, but imo this song describes female sozialization perfectly: the shy and sensitive girl who sings, Crissy, remembers every single detail about her crush and says "please, would you tell him...?" Makes me wonder whether he remembers her at all. I suppose he also stole some money from her, yet she says "I don't care about the money, I just want to see him again."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPKJNyr5XEs

I met a boy called Frank Mills
On September twelfth right here
In front of the Waverly but unfortunately
I lost his address

He was last seen with his friend
A drummer, he resembles George Harrison of the Beatles
But he wears his hair
Tied in a small bow at the back

I love him but it embarrasses me
To walk down the street with him
He lives in Brooklyn somewhere
And wears this white crash helmet

He has golden chains on his leather jacket
And on the back are written the names
'Mary and Mom
And Hell's Angels'

I would gratefully appreciate it
If you see him, tell him
I'm in the park with my girlfriend
And please

Tell him Angela and I
Don't want the two dollars back
Just him

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Bastet
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Re: Examples of female socialization

Post by Bastet » 12 Nov 2018 09:44

Worrying about sounding rude when you say something in an honest or forward way.
The shackles of gender are not innate, they are forced upon us

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